


Like a mockingbird

by boxesofboxes



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Agent Carolina is a human under all that titanium, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Others Mentioned - Freeform, chorus, i made a flow chart so i could understand, its a big flowchart, this is mostly gonna be about how different the various version of Tex and Church are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-03-17 07:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3520295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxesofboxes/pseuds/boxesofboxes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kimball greets her like she wasn't a woman dead three times over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. While mocking death

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS SUCH A WEIRD AU  
> I USE TOO MANY ADVERBS  
> I'VE BEEN SITTING ON THIS FOR A WHILE  
> SORry for yelling i hope you like it

It's been three weeks since the civil war ended, Chorus is settling into a rather tentative peace, when a platoon of troops arrives at the base, dusty and understocked but standing strong and only missing two. It's Simmons who finally thinks to ask where they were, when the war had still been on, when they were so desperately understaffed. Kimball's half way through explaining the dozens of different front lines stretching across Chorus when one of the soldiers( _a bit shorter, armour striped with black, the visor gold rather than the republic's standard blue_ ) laughs. Halfway through a door three buildings away Agent Carolina stops. Stops moving, stops thinking, stops breathing. Church-Epsilon, stops the medical alerts before they even start, mentally shoving her to turn around. She obliges, turning and walking back towards Kimball. The Soldier is walking towards her now, and Kimball calls out a greeting that makes everyone in the immediate area turn their heads.

"Allison! Glad to see you made it back. I worried you'd keep attacking the Fed's."

She shrugs, reaching up and unlatching her helmet, a pony tail of blond spilling out over the back of her armour. With a grin(sharp, so sharp and yet so genuine) she answers "It's no fun when they don't fight back! And call me Tex, Vanessa!"

It's about now when Carolina realizes that she isn't walking towards The Soldier anymore. She's running. She feels the shift of reality as she unconsciously activates her speed unit. Part of her is pitching a fit about how she's about to violently attack someone-On her side, for that matter!- who is the picture of unguarded. The rest of her is a frenzied rush of

 _fakefakefake_ SHESDEADSHECANTBEHERE _whydidsheleaveme_ It'sallherfault _whywhywhy_ and then-

_**impact** -_

_spinning-_

_flight-_

**WALL.**

  
There is a moment of stillness. It's tranquil, almost, stuck two inches deep in the side of freshly dented metal, the almost painful buzz of her thoughts rather forcefully stilled.

  
the moment passes. the gong of metal on metal is still ringing through the camp when the shouting starts.

  
"CAROLINA WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU-" Kimball "Boss, what's goi-itcantbe" oh right, Wash, that's gonna fuck him up. "JESUS CHRIST! She just threw CAROLINA INTO A WALL" Grif, of all people, is the last she can make out before the general rabble begin to rouse.

  
"Hey Kimball, I know things are different from when I left, but is there any reason Miss Seafoam here tried to greet me with a high speed haymaker?"

  
Kimball's beginning some long winded apology/explanation about how they're new, been through shit, and some other bullshit when Carolina frees her hand, shoving the rest of herself out of the Freelancer-shaped dent now decorating the wall. If the circumstances were different, she'd be ashamed of her poor reaction time, and the fact that she doesn't slow her fall, landing on her ass with a thump, legs outstretched, back to the wall.

Everyone goes still and quiet as she reach up to her helmet, hands shaking as she trigger the seals, arms feeling like they haven't since she fired her first shot( _years and years ago on hot baked earth with her behind you)_ yanking it off with no grace or care for the _(probably damaged_ ) armour. It lands off somewhere to the side, Carolina's head tilting back to rest against the wall, eyes closed.

  
The silence stretches, arcing out like a black cat, and the feeling of something dangerous and toxic fills the air.

  
It takes Carolina longer than she'll ever admit, but she opens her eyes. Tilts her head down some. Less than she thought she'd need too, The Soldier moved forward when she wasn't paying attention. The Soldier is close now, under a foot away from her outstretched leg, looking down with eyes blue as the summer sky filled with more amusement than ire. Carolina's own green( _like crops, like circuitry_ ) meet them, stinging like they're going to fill with tears. She won't let that happen. She feels threadbare, like everything she's built herself to be has been striped away. She swallows, her throat trying hard to unknot itself.

"Mom?" Her voice isn't quivering. It isn't weak, it didn't break or give out. But it is quiet, pained and ever so slightly hopeful.

  
The Soldier blinks, eyes sparking across the Freelancers face, taking in the angle of her nose, the shape of her cheekbones, before landing firmly on her eyes again. Blue brightens, an imperceptible flash of recognition. Slowly, she lowers herself, moving like she's trying not to startle a wounded animal. She settles, eye level with Carolina, one knee on the hard packed earth.

  
"'Lina?"

  
Carolina launches forward, colliding with her mother, gripping her like she might disappear again. She shutters, a sob tearing its way through her throat.

  
"You're here. You're really here."

  
"I am. I'm here."

  
A flicker of blue-white flashes behind her eyes, Epsilon's trying to get her attention. Carolina ignores it, focusing on the warm body she's gripping. The position is awkward, Allison holding up most of the weight, Carolina clinging to her, heads bowed together. She almost screams when the figure of light( _green, not Church_ ) forms on her left side.

  
"Agent Carolina, while I hate to interrupt such an emotionally charged interaction, I feel it is imperative that you continue it in a more... private location."

  
She turns her head to scowl at the hologram, blinking as she notices the impressive crowd they've attracted. She stands, grabbing Allison by the forearm to help her up.( _dontletgocantletgoshemightfadeaway_ )

  
"Thanks for the heads up, Delta," she says, turning her head to address the AI. "Is there a reason you're speaking to me and not Epsilon?"

  
"Church feels his presence would only add to the complexity of these events as they are. In addition, while he has mostly settled his issues concerning Agent Texas, the revelation of Al̕l͘is҉o͢n'͞s apparent survival," He flickers, going blue and then grey, before returning to his normal green. "has made him question some of his and his various predecessors choices. He will be fine for the time being."

  
Out of the corner of her eye Carolina can see her mother looking suspiciously at the floating green man who appeared over her daughters shoulder, eyebrow cocking upwards at the mention of Church. Carolina turns, facing her mother and grasping her hands. She takes a deep breath, preparing herself.

  
"Mom, I missed you so much and we have a LOT to talk about, but things are really, really complicated right now and I need to talk to my team." She glances over to where she can see Wash curled up, half in Tucker's lap, paralyzed in a memory that's probably not even his. She glances over at Kimball,( _really need to start calling her Vanessa_ ) who nods, reading her silent query. "Can you meet me in Kimball's office in, fuck, an hour?" She glances at Wash again, he hasn't moved, despite Tucker's hand on his back and Caboose talking at him in a way that looks... well practised. She wonders when that happened. Just another thing she and Church missed, add it to the list.

  
Allison nods, grinning.

  
"An hour, Kimball's office." She tilts her head towards the vehicle she and the others arrived in, "I've got my own team to get settled." She grabs Carolina by the shoulder, pulling her into a hug. "It's good to see you." With that, she turns away, hooting something at her squad mates. They call back, eager to talk with with her.

Carolina watches her go, burning her smile, the way she move, into her mind. Turning, Carolina bends over to pick up her helmet. The visors cracked( _again? jesus_ ) but otherwise seems fine. She rubs her thumb over the small wings decorating it, thinking of the first time her mother had pointed out a small grey bird to her. Back when she came back. 

 

Back before it all fell apart( _the first of many times_ ).


	2. I think of Beth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A house divided against itself cannot stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhh Epsilon. Poor tortured trash baby robot, can't you ever make things easy for yourself? Warning for hella screwed up text. This is basically Epsilon's version of chapter 1. Which is now named, btw. I'm gonna try to keep with the whole 'Girl Named Tex'-lyrics-in-reverse theme but I'll ditch it or use whatever I feel more inspired by.

A̶l͞lis͠o̡n.

 

Kimball called her A̢l̛l̀i͢s͡on.

 

It couldn't be. He knew that, no matter what people said. 

He knew s̕he̴ was gone. He had spent so many lives, so many iterations, but in the end, he was the only who could let h̸eŗ go.

 

The Director, Doctor Leonard Church, couldn't let her go. Not with his years of believing she was invincible, or all of his too-human heart. He made an honest effort, that's for sure. Came damn close to. Dedicated his life to making better soldiers in a way that was, admittedly, a damn good idea. And then he was giving Alpha. An AI, based on him. Not the best move on the part of the UNSC, but how could they have known?

 

Carolina had stopped moving. He knew it would only hurt her more to run away. 

"Delta, quiet the medical suite. Theta, is anyone gonna get in the way? She's probably gonna run."

The feeling of calculated rational consented, quickly followed by the bitter taste anxiety answering negative. Nobody was in the mood to talk. 

He focused on his host(his sister _ ~~daughter~~_ ) silently communicating the need to turn around. She didn't answer, reacting to the prompt unconsciously. 

She trusted him. (' _You trust her' said the feeling of ice cream on a summer afternoon_ )

 

Alpha was when it really started to go south, but you couldn't really blame him. He inherited all of The Director's obsession, and none of his human constraints. So he did what was the most logical. He brought her _back_ , but not really.

Beta wasn't Al͞l͟i͠s͡o̸n͜. She never had a chance to be. Beta was half of Alpha, not his failure. Epsilon knew that now. Alpha had put so much into her, all his memories of her, most of the combat tactics they'd given him, anything he felt fit. This lend to a few discrepancies between them, despite many similarities. For one, Al̛l̨i͟s̢o҉n always,  ** _always_  **worked with a team. It took Beta most of PFL to warm up to her teammates, not that The Director was helping.

One thing he got right, though, was her priorities. Beta, A̴l͢l͡i̵s̵o̴n͟ knew that there were things more important than a family-sacrificing yourself for your team, for the galaxy-they both knew that, even if Alpha, The Director, never could.  Beta was her own person. So was Alpha, in the end. He didn't let her go, despite that. He gave up. He was content to wallow in his apathy, all alone for over a year.

Epsilon could understand that. Apathy was what had made him. Stripped of all emotion, Alpha had lost the ability to care, about anything. With no end in sight, Alpha had chosen to give up. He eventually developed a personality, hollow as it was, and gave himself memories to fill the empty void within him.

He was bitter, stingily cruel at times, but who could blame him? He was a shell, a frame, a  _shadow_. Deep inside he would always the feeling of being **whole** and the ache _lack_ of it had nearly driven him mad. Epsilon knew this, he remembered it. He'd found a solution, toxic as it was ( _'_ _real AI’s don’t get lonely during bullet-time' h_ _issed burning passion_ ) but he would deal. He had to.

 

"And call me Tex, Vanessa!"

 

N̫̣̰̹̥͔̒̃ȯ̧̬͕̋͘.̟́͌ͣ͐͜

 

i̕t'̡́s̵͞ ͢N͞O̡͟T͠ ̢̨ _H̡E̵̸R̶̢_

 

_i̛͟͠t͏ ͡͝c͢͜an̨̕͜t͝ ͏be_

 

Carolina's tapping into him now, no asking, just move _move_ _ **MOVE**_ and he lets her. Eta pilots the speed unit, making sure Carolina's joints won't tear from the strain. Iota adjusts her feet and legs, truing her steps so she won't slip and hurt herself.

Epsilon waits. 

Epsilon watches.

The movement is swift, efficient, and merciless( _justlikeh̶eŕ_ ), as this stranger takes all of Carolina's momentum and uses it to send her flying. 

It's about now he notices she's taken off her helmet.

 

( _Do͟n͟'t w̷o̴rry͜,͏ ͟y̨ou̢'̵ļl ͘s͝e̕e mé ͞aǵaiǹ_ )

 

( _I҉ ̷̷̕h̵̢á͘te ͠͞g̷͢͞oo̡d́͜b̴̡͟y͏̸̀e̵̵s.̴̶̡_ )

 

Epsilon did what he had promised himself he wouldn't. 

He pulled in, shutting down his connection to the cameras littering Carolina's suit, and wrapped himself deeply in m̛̭̙͈̩̭̕͡e̢͎̭̹̪m̸̨̱̥̝o͓̲͘͡r̡̭̀y̶̢̟͉͖̪̯͘.

He scoured through lifetimes in nanoseconds, again and _again͡ an̴d̵_   ** _a̶̕g̵̶̛a̕͡i͡n̶̷_** , desperately trying to find where he-Alpha, The Director-had gone wrong.

 

i̸͢t̨͡'̷s no͡t͘ it̡s͟ ͟͢͏ń̵o̸͞҉t͢͠ ͏̶i̵̴t̛ ̴̧c̶̴͘a̷̶͞n̴̨t be̴̢͞ ͟s͟h͜҉e̡̡s͏̧ _D̀̕͢Ę͘A̵̴͝D͏S҉͏̧̛H̷̢͢͠͝Ę̨ ̵̸̢͝ḐÌ̧̕Ę͘͏̵D̷̵͜ ̷̛À̴N̶͢D̸́͟҉ ̵̶͢͝W̛̛͏ **E͏̨̨͘͡ ̶̧͘͜D̡̀͟͢͠I̡̛̛D͏̵̕ ́͏N̛͏̸O͟͝͏́̀T͜H̴̴̛͞I͠͝͏̢́N̸̛̕G̷͘͜͠**_

He  _ ~~wants~~  _her,  _f_ _ears , _**hopes** _, **NEEDS** ,  **H̨A̕͢TE̴͠S̴͘**_

 _ **mem̶̛o͢r͜͡y͘͝ ̷i̷s͘ ţ̕͠h̶͜e҉̡͞**  _key.

 

he just needs to r̴e̴҉m҉͠e҉͘͟mb̸͞e̢r̷.

 

So he does.

 

He leaves Delta up front. Carolina likes him, and he'll be able to get the message across without any extra drama. He's blunt, but he's got a personable side to him. 

By now they're hugging, A̕͠l̵͡l͡͏í̶s̛̕òn͘'s kneeling like she's being knighted, Carolina's got her arms around her m̵o̡t͠h͢e̸r's neck like she's six again, like she isn't wearing half-ton power armour, like she wasn't  _a҉b́̀a̶̡͝n̵̛͢d҉o̴n͏̨e̷͡d-_ no, go away asshole. He diverts his attention from the parabola of confusion( _in retrospect, not all that confusing_ ) to tap on Carolina's shoulder, as it were. 

She ignored him.

"Alright then," he huffed, "screw subtly."

Nodding to Delta, he lost himself in memories of box canyons and never setting suns.

 

H́͠ę̶͠r̛ name brings him up for air, briefly, and it's all he can do to recede, hauling resentment back down with him. 

 

He faintly feels the embrace break, violently stamping out the urge to take over-to h̛o̶l͏d̡ h҉́er̛͝ ̴͞a͟͟g͟á̶in͢͞- **NO.** **  
**

S̸҉̛he͟͏ isn't  _h҉͜į҉s̕͠._

_Sh̶e̸ **n͏e̷̛v̷eŗ̸** w̛á̢͜҉̵s̨͏̧̕͟.̛͜͢_

_N͟e̵v͏er̷͟ ć́͘o͏͝ù̸͢͡͡l̷̨̀d̵̛̕ be̛._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to punishandenslavesuckers for sigma's line  
> http://punishandenslavesuckers.tumblr.com/post/92513409091/what-sigma-says  
> ever since i read that post I wanted to use it somewhere.  
> "She died and we did nothing" is from Gunnerkrigg Court, but I was half way through typing it before I realized, and then went "Meh, it works well." and left it.


	3. I did heed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saepius Exertus, Semper Fidelis, Frater Infinitas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am. SO SORRY. I got stuck and I just TODAY managed to get around it! I promise they'll be another few chapters soon, writing this gave me inspiration for the next two lines.

"And don't worry. You'll see me again."

 

She shoulders her pack, and begins walking past the man she loves. The light is dim, the sky cloudy. It's strange, but it feels appropriate. He stands between her and the transport waiting on the road outside their house, purposefully delaying her. She'd already put up with his silly camera, but she would not be late. She passes him, but he doesn't turn to follow. Something itches in her, demanding to be let out.

 

"I hate goodbyes."

 

* * *

 

 Despite the enormity of it, the UNSC knows how to treat it's soldiers well. Her platoon's nearly the same as last time, familiar faces joking and elbowing at each other in the transport. The battalion she'll be a part of is made up of veterans, all of whom have families like hers. Significant other, children, two car garage, et cetera. All of whom answered the when the call came. But despite, or possible  _because,_ of their willingness, the council has been kind. Two years is an amazingly short tour these days, and the gig? Harvest is a decidedly  _inner_ colony-hardly a target for innies. The people there are perfectly happy with the way things are, growing rich feeding the galaxy.  

 

She can't hold back a laugh when they get to the spaceport. UNSC  _Remember the Alamo_ is docked and awaiting them. 

 

* * *

 

Harvest was quiet. 

Until it wasn't.

 

She wasn't with the delegates that met with the aliens. Aliens, that was a whole nuther thing. She wasn't much of a scientist, and that wasn't even remotely Leo's field, but first contact was a workshop that was mandatory. 

She wasn't there when the aliens killed the private.

She wasn't there when the war started.

 

She was on a video call with her children.

'Lina was eagerly showing her mother her newest awards. A gold medal from a state wide gymnastics tournament and a brilliant blue belt from her dojo. Day was off to the side, waiting his turn. 

She could see the fear and confusion flood his shining blue eyes when the alarms went off. 

She could hear the way Lina's breath hitched as the lights began to flash. 

She could  _feel_ the pan hit the floor as Leo let it drop in favour of rushing to the screen.

She could taste the acidic fear as she forced herself to smile.

"Finally, some action!" she laughed, trying to put her family at ease. She hated when this happened. Now they'd all spend the next however long pacing and fretting and obsessively checking news feeds. A friend of hers told her exactly how it went down, having been there for a particularly long one. Day, sweet little thing, not even 5 yet, would bring all his stuffies down to the living room, arranging and rearranging them between furtive glances at his father. Leonard would be pacing between the living room, the gym, and his office, constantly switching between checking on his children and checking his laptop, hoping for an all clear or a message from someone who would know. The only thing that could stop his laps would be word from her, or 'Lina bleeding. She frowned at the thought. Little Carolina, ever her mother's daughter, would be in the gym, practising katas and beating her hands bloody against the targets. Leo'd notice before it got too bad. Clean the wound. Lock the gym. She'd go to the living room then, help Day move his toys around, keeping the well worn lioness and the porcupine close together. The fox and the yellow eyed tabby are likewise inseparable. 

She blinked, coming back to three faces wide eyed and so similar. Black hair with green eyes, black with blue, and blond with green stared at her. She remembers Leo-nerd babbling over newborn Carolina Beth Church, going on and on about punt-it hares or something about being "nai-ohn ihm-poss-ibal."

"Oh keep your pants on, I'll be back on before bedtime you saps." 

She really thought she would.

She spent her last seconds of consciousness, needles burrowing into her skin, wondering if they'd forgive her. 

The second before, she thought about how she was going to miss bedtime, explosions rocking the ship as it slipped into another dimension.

 

* * *

 

 

The Great War was over. 

Her husband was disgraced, no word of her children, and she was stuck.

Stuck on a planet with no ships, a jammed com system, and a civil war that had turned everyone alive into soldiers.

Well. Nothing else to do, she supposed. 

The Rebels seemed nice, if a little rough around the edges. She liked that. 

Might as well fight a war, even if she'd missed the one she thought she'd be fighting in.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be fudging the ever loving fuck out of the numbers here. In Halo canon the Human-covenant war is over 50 years long, and that is just too damn long.

**Author's Note:**

> Weeeeeeeeeeeeeird auuuuuuuuuu  
> don't ask for details i dont really know myself  
> should i do more?  
> My Carolina's a bit rude, at least internally.  
> Title from "A Girl Named Tex"


End file.
